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I have a pet peeve, which is my favorite, or least favorite, depending on how you look at it. I can’t stand when people – on television, real life, anywhere – inform others that they need to find themselves.
Okay, lassie (because usually it’s a female that will make this unnerving comment), where exactly were you? Or are you? "I need to find myself," my ass. You’re right there. Look in the mirror. If you can’t find yourself, you surely cannot find your car keys or your boyfriend’s remote control or your medications, okay?
(Not to insinuate that anyone making such comments is on medications, or that medications are inherently bad, or that people making such comments are psychotic and are perhaps in need of such medications. And not mentioning any specific forms of medications.)
"I was sitting there, in the supermarket, in the Mr. Z produce department, checking out a boy with a name tag that said Brandon. I put myself down RIGHT THERE, and just turned around for a SECOND and I was GONE. I mean, I have usually been a very responsible keeper of myself, until today, oh my GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE? WHERE AM I? I HAVE LOST MYSELF? Should I put up a reward? Should I inform the police of my disappearance? How will I ever find myself again? Should I hire a private detective that will find my poor innocent self? Shit. I lost my checkbook too. Hold on. This can’t be as bad as it seems. How am I supposed to deal with this if there is no ‘I’?"
Right. You’re right where you left yourself. Right there. Uh-huh. So shut up.