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ten
Feed it to the dog.
nine
Feed it to your senile grandmother.
eight
Leave it as an offering to an obscure god.
seven
Smear it on your body, throw yourself against a wall, and call it art.
six
Stuff your bra with it. (baby got front)
five
Stuff your pants with it. (baby got back)
four
Stick it in the freezer: Instant science experiment that contaminates entire freezer,
so “unfortunately” all of your other gross leftovers are goners as well.
three
Give it back to nature.
(And watch little squirrels die of grandma’s chemically-processed cheese noodles.)
two
Hide it (yes, the entire meal) in your napkin.
Alternate method: Hide it in your cheeks, à la “chipmunk.”
one
Shut up and eat it, you whiny shit. It’s good for you. There are starving children
out there. Your grandma worked hard to make this and you are going to sit there until
you eat every last bite.