Perspectives:

I hate telemarketers.

I really detest telemarketers. They repeatedly call during my dinnertime with my children. I never get to see the little whiny teenagers all day, and just when I’m getting into a really good conversation about how they’re throwing their young lives away, the telephone rings.

The telemarketers have absolutely no right. Right over veal parmesean they call up and ask me if I’m interested in coming to see the broom sale they’re having at the local mall. They go on about how cheap it is. Or they ask me if my vacuum cleaner is running. (I refrain from making bad puns like "well, if it is, I’d better go catch it.")

Sometimes they’ll call up when I’ve had a particularly bad day. I tell them how I’m doing. I tell them that I’m on the rag and that they’re disrespectful motherfuckers. I make cow noises and hang up. I tell them that I’m being busy getting it anally from my husband and would they please call back in half an hour? I bitterly tell them that they’d better watch their mail. I inform them that their teenagers are having unprotected sex while they’re out making hundreds of telephone calls to people that aren’t interested. I tell them that in fact I’d be interested in their laxative line. I tell them that I’m getting my nude picture painted. I tell them that I’m going to get a sex change operation the following day. I tell them that when I was a child my grandfather couldn’t remember my name and that my stuffed animals talked to me. I tell them that I used to be British.

You know, whatever comes to mind.

Most will hang up by this point, but a few will cling on, saying things like, "Well, then, I’m sure that you’ll be even more interested in what we have to offer."

I am not interested.

I never will be. If I want something, I will put it on my "wish list" and wait until Christmas.

I’m thinking about getting my telephone line disconnected. I’m thinking about just nuking all telemarketer agencies. But then my life would be less interesting, and I’d have to spend more time picking on my kids.