"That’s nice, sweetie dear. Take care of yourself." She didn’t bother to look up. Nathaniel wasn’t anything too great to look at.

Nathaniel sighed as he walked down the street, fingering his cheap library card two years expired. It was light green and its lamination was crinkled, allowing the actual paper to be exposed on the edges. He walked up and down the faded grey streets lined with trees and fading, drooping leaves.

The library was a lonely brick building settled in between a parking lot and a playground. It seemed meek and quivering, as if feeling exposed and asking, at least, for some underwear. Perhaps a robe or some pantyhose.

Nathaniel pushed his way through the glass doors into the musty library. He coughed a bit, and then glanced around. The dark paneled wood along one wall was covered in announcements for their little community, and the neon tacks that held them up were tilting at odd angles. The other wall held the desk where the librarians checked out books, and yet another held the doorway to the rest of the library. He walked through and wandered up and down the aisles, and, finally, into the children’s section.

Doctor Seuss was an analytical genius, Nathaniel thought has he read over the literary classic Green Eggs and Ham. He understands perfectly the heirarchy of children and their picky food tastes. When he was a kid, he used to throw his peanut butter sandwiches across the room if they dared have jelly in them.

He continued to flick through the pages of his favorite Seuss novels when he heard a voice pipe up behind him.

"Yo mama is so fat that when she tried to fall into the GAP, it wasn’t big enough to fit her!"

Nathaniel, snickering lightly to himself, turned around to see who was saying that to whom. A young boy with puffy brown hair; plump cheeks, and olive eyes was speaking directly at him. When his mouth moved, his whole face went into motion, making him look like a fat, wiggly robot.

"Can I help you?" Nathaniel asked in his most pleasant voice.

"Yo mama is like a hardware store – ten cents a screw."

This kid can’t be serious.

Nathaniel pointedly picked up a Seuss book, opened it, and began to read aloud. "One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish," he loudly proclaimed.

"Yo mama is like a doorknob – everyone gets a turn."

Nathaniel turned around the book and "showed it to the class" much like his teachers used to. Then he carefully turned the page and continued his reading.

"Yo mama is like the neighborhood bicycle – everyone gets a ride."

Nathaniel switched into a British accent.

The child stared at him in awe. That only held him off for a moment.

"Yo mama is so fat that when she wore an X-files T-shirt, a helicopter tried to land."

Nathaniel closed the book.

"Yo mama is so fat that when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND THE HOUSE."

Nathaniel chucked the book at the boy. He didn’t see this coming, and when he tried to duck, he fell off the chair.

"You are ugly and stupid. Lose twenty pounds," Nathaniel hollered, turning and storming out of the library. The librarians watched him over their low reading glasses in surprise and condemnation.

"How was the library?" Grandma asked Nathaniel when he got home. He dropped onto the sofa.

"It sucked. I’m not going there again. Reading has forever been ruined for me."