Dear University of Pennsylvania,

Please consider my application seriously. Even though my combined SAT is only a 1300, I think that I can bring a lot of good to your school. For example, I will fit in perfectly with the scenery.

Oh yes, you hear me right.

I am rather frightening-looking, primarily because I wear all black and a fedora hat around. I also turn my fingers into a steeple which I intimidatingly put at my nose as I glare at those around me. I may sound like a freak, but trust me, this really works in scaring the wrong types away from your precious college. In order to make into the Ivy League, one has to be strong, resiliant, not afraid of scrawny little poseur-goths.

This is where I come in.

I will sit amongst your gargoyles (during my free bells, granted) and jump out at the prospective students during tours.

Now, the strong student (who is worthy of admittance) will not be afraid, for he/she has the nerves of steel to be living in the Philadelphia ghetto to begin with. The whimpering weaklings, however, will quiver in fear (along with their parents); these will not be accepted.

I think it’s a wonderful idea. I am curious to hear what you have to say about my proposition. I can be a positive addition to your already wonderful campus. If you want to test me, to see that I am hypocritical, you can put one of your current goths in with your gargoyles in an attempt to startle me. I promise you, however, I am up to your standards.

Please consider me.

André the Supergoth.