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Chapter Seven
Band class was not Leena’s best subject. And she knew it. She played the flute in band. Sheck was a chorus boy, but she still had other friends in the class. Radu and Rob played the xylophone; Vena played another flute; and Oz, on whom she had a major crush, played the cello.
Mr. Lugand, the teacher, was a very strange man. He always had birds in his classroom. He was tall, and kind of overweight, and had red hair, a large mustache, and a goatee. He knew that Leena’s ability, when it came to her instrument, was very nonexistent, and that she didn’t practice. But he calmly ignored that fact and put her in the first part anyway no matter what they were playing. Leena hated that, but she didn’t like study halls (they bored her), so she took what she had.
Lately, in Center City Public School #1, things were happening. Mr. Lugand started this hysterical evil giggling during band class whenever kids annoyed him, or tried to, and all of the school’s science room’s hummingbirds were disappearing. And Leena still couldn’t play her flute if her life depended on it. Oh well, life goes on.
One day, after school, Elmira was going to work at the Stardust Café, where she was a waitress, and Leena was going to go with her. Since Spung were not allowed on school grounds, Elmira stood on the street and waited for them to get out.
//They let us live on their planet, but keep us as far away from their children as they can// Elmira thought sadly. //Maybe they feel it’s better that way.//
Leena came out of the front door and onto the street. "Okay, I’m ready to... oh, wait, Elmira. I forgot my flute! And I’m sure that Mr. Lugand will kill me, or worse, giggle at me, if I forget again! Will you hold on a second?"
Elmira nodded. "Sure. I’ve got time, Leena. I’ve got... 30 minutes until I have to work and it takes 20 minutes to get there... Yeah, go ahead. But don’t take your time or anything because I was almost fired last week."
"You were on a date with Radu and you were about an hour late. That’s completely different than your friend forgetting her instrument."
"Well..."
"I’ll go and get it instead of talking to you and holding you up. God forbid."
Leena ran into the front door of the school. She ran down to the Pit of Hell, as she liked to call the Band Room. //Why don’t I just quit?// she wondered. //NO, I’m not a quitter// she replied to herself.
She entered the band room and crept past the room which was Mr. Lugand’s office. She picked up her flute from the rack and pulled her folder out of her own personal slot.
"Oh, darn..." she hissed, realizing some of her music was gone. She had changed parts, and her other 1st part was in Mr. Lugand’s office. "Huh. Well, I guess I’ll just have to go and get it," she whispered to herself, examining what was left of her music.
Leena walked over to the entryway of Mr. Lugand’s office, hoping he was there so she wouldn’t have to creep in there, which would make her feel like a thief or something. She walked to his office and was about to go in when she realized that he was in there. And... talking to himself?
She crouched down and peeked through the door. There he was, talking to... she saw now that he wasn’t talking to himself; he was talking to a hummingbird. //What is he doing with the hummingbird? I can’t decide which is worse... talking to himself, or talking to the hummingbird. Does he think the stupid bird can comprehend what he’s saying?//
What he was saying might be something interesting, so Leena shut her mind up and listened.
"Hello, sweetie. Guess what! You’re going to help me! You’re going to help me stop those stupid children once and for all. They never practice, little Jimmy, and I’m getting sick of it! They can’t even play a concert B flat scale in tune! And, little Jimmy, it’s starting to get to me. After three years of teaching here, to those horrible children who make a point NEVER TO SHUT UP, I’m starting to get sick. And I can’t quit because I still need to pay for... for my wife’s surgery. So, without kids, there’s nothing to teach, and I can retire while they’re still paying me! I’ve done the research, little Jimmy, and it’s all perfect! You’re going to help me, aren’t you, little Jimmy?"
Leena thought, //My God, he’s cracked. Totally and really cracked. Too bad I’m not really learning anything new. I already knew that he totally hates us. And the way we talk. So we gab and share gossip. The guy’s freaking out over nothing. And why the Hell is he talking to a bird? A bird? Why not a Fluzz?//
Then Mr. Lugand did something that made Leena cringe. He reached over, picked up a shot, a hypodermic needle, and injected it into the bird! Leena gasped. Mr. Lugand turned around. Leena ran to the door and threw herself out of it, not knowing what to make out of the situation. She could hear her band teacher coming after her, but she was younger and much faster and was out of the school and running before he made it to the front door. She hid behind a house, only to meet Elmira sitting there already.
"What’s your deal?" she asked Leena. "I knew you’d run out of the door in a hurry, and that you’d hide here, but why?"
"Mr. Lugand. He’s doing... experiments... or something... with the birds! The ones that were stolen from the science room! And he’s talking about killing the students!"
"I know you don’t like band class, but really. You should just quit. And you don’t have your flute."
Leena gasped. "I must’ve dropped it along the way."
"I think you were just flirting with Oz or someone on the inside. I seriously don’t believe that you got it, heard that your teacher was planning to kill the whole entire school, and doing experiments with hummingbirds, for that matter, and then you ran and LOST IT? No, no, no. The real deal with excuses is that you’re creative, but not so creative that it’s impossible to believe. See, another excuse that you might have gone with was..."
"I’m serious!" Leena shrieked.
Elmira rolled her eyes and started walking down to the Stardust Café. Leena chased after her.
"Who was that?" Mr. Lugand demanded of Little Jimmy. "Did you see whoever was there?"
The hummingbird, sitting in his cage, didn’t respond. It didn’t have any idea over what the Earth guy was saying, and for the sake of knowing on your, the reader’s, part, he didn’t care. //This guy’s an idiot// Little Jimmy thought in the hummingbird language.
"Why don’t you just take chorus, Leena?" Sheck asked, leaning against the sofa in Radu’s room.
"Because, chorus is for slackers. A whole bunch of idiots who cannot play instruments."
"Like you," Radu commented.
"Radu, I am arguing with Leena right now!" Sheck cried.
"Yeah, but you don’t have to hear her attempt to play her flute. She... what’s the word... sucks," Radu retorted.
"Thanks Radu. I needed that right then. But really, you guys, this is very serious. I heard him with my own ears, and no, I won’t make an Andromedan remark right there and I don’t want you two to either... but he’s planning to do something with those hummingbirds. I know it’s got to be really sick and evil. And he’s got a wife. She needs surgery."
"He’s killing kids because his wife needs surgery?" Radu said, trying to clarify what the heck his friend was saying.
"Well, he needs the money, so his wife can have the surgery, but he doesn’t want to teach the kids."
The boys gave each other looks. And then burst out laughing. "He’s not... married!" Radu yelled finally.
"Yea, he is. He’s got a wife. He was telling little Jimmy about her."
Sheck gave his best friend a Look. "And little Jimmy is his.. ew... son?"
"Why is that EW? It’s a natural process, and...."
Radu cringed. "People don’t like to think of their teachers as people like that. With lives, I mean. They live in the school and grade the tests. And it stops at that."
"Anyway, little Jimmy was the hummingbird that he was discussing his plans with."
The guys laughed for a full 6 minutes and 32 seconds, according to Sheck’s watch. What lung power.
Leena had band the next day. She walked into the room of band and saw that her flute case was lying on the ground next to Mr. Lugand’s office, which was attached to the band room. She picked it up and opened it. Inside was her flute, in perfect order.
Mr. Lugand was inside of the room, not really thinking of the possible association between Leena’s instrument lying next to his office and the incident of the last evening. He was simply thinking of how all of the annoying pesky students would be gone in a few weeks, maybe less.
He walked out. "GET YOUR INSTRUMENTS OUT NOW OR DIE! I WANT PERFECT PLAYING OUT OF ALL OF YOU!" he hollered at the students, who rolled their eyes at him.
//No one really pays attention to me. I need to give out a few lunch detentions// he thought, grinning.
He pointed at random kids who were talking and told them that they had to bring food for him next time or he’d give them lunch detentions. And he told others that they hadn’t put their instruments together in time and that they’d better be sitting in the detention table. He pointed at Vena, who was sitting, watching. "Play the whole entire piece, perfectly, or prepare to get a D as your final average," he said, grinning.
Mrs. Army stepped out from the corner of the room. She was the Assistant Principal. "I am hoping that you were kidding, Mr. Lugand."
Actually, Mr. Lugand was seriously hoping to get that smart Vena off of the High Honor Roll for once in her life, but, of course, that was impossible because Mrs. Army was watching.
"Of course. Vena, I was kidding."
He went off to sit in his office for a while. And the band talked about what a nut case he was. And what was going to happen for the rest of the period. And why Mr. Lugand was giggling. What was up with that, anyway?
Radu sat down in the empty seat next to Leena. Tommy, the kid that usually sat next to her wasn’t there. He was sick or something.
"That teacher... is wacked out. Did you see what he almost did to Vena? Even he can’t play that the whole way through without a mistake!"
"Try telling him that. Anyway, I’m pretty cool with the way things are. But wait until he starts killing us off, one by one..."
"You watch too many horror movies."
"You need to get to know the truth.
"Wait... is that a hummingbird in that cage? What the heck... he’s talking to the hummingbird!"
"Yes, Radu. Duh, Radu."
"You know, I think I’m going to start taking chorus."
"You’re just a stupid Andromedan dork who can’t stand to be... forget it, Radu. But we’ve got to do something!"
"Are you sure he’s really trying to kill everyone in the school?"
"Yes! He’s, like, kind of evil or something."
The two of them watched the band teacher discuss his matters with Little Jimmy. Life was getting stranger and stranger.
It was two days later, and Tyra, Tysa, Twizzle, Sheck, and Leena had science class, at the same period. It was the class of Mr. Hunter. He was trying to teach about how molecules had contributed to the construction of the atomic structure of the hummingbirds -- that is, the ones that weren’t stolen.
Suddenly, a hummingbird flew into the class. Mr. Hunter made a few cracks about the under-funded school and the crappy cages. He stopped the laughing when the hummingbird went right to Twizzle. (Twizzle never practiced her bongo drums. Ever.) It began to attack her. She screamed and dropped to the ground, her red-orange hair falling all over her freckled face.
"Get it away!" she yelled, grabbing her stupid atom book and trying to kill it (or the book). It kept on swarming around her. Finally, it bit her. Right on the neck. Twizzle slipped to the ground and blacked out. The hummingbird bit her once more on the neck and then flew off.
The class stared.
"Well, that doesn’t happen every day, now does it?" Mr. Hunter asked. "Let’s talk about the molecular density of hummingbirds."
"But what about Twizzle?" Sheck asked. (He actually liked Twizzle at that point, but he didn’t want to tell anyone about it.)
"Well, we can learn about her molecular makeup in a couple of minutes," Mr. Hunter said. "It’s great that you’re curious about science, Sheck."
Sheck groaned. "No, I mean ‘is she all right?’ "
"Her molecular makeup is a very strong one, so she will not fall apart. Great question."
"NO! I mean her health!"
"That’s for health class, Sheck."
"Mr. Hunter, the bird flew in and bit her and she fell to the ground and does not appear to be getting up!"
"Maybe you can write a lab report on that for extra credit."
"You don’t understand! Leena, does she have a pulse?"
"Pulses are part of the system of the..."
"Shut up!" Sheck yelled at the teacher.
"All right, that’s it. Go right to Mrs. Army’s office. You’re acting up and refusing to learn about the body and the molecular structure of the-"
Sheck got up and left.
The rest of the class got up to check on Twizzle. (They never paid attention to class anyway.)
Then the ambulance crew arrived. (Sheck had called them from Mrs. Army’s office.) Mr. Hunter was discussing the contents of the extra credit lab report he had assigned. "Part one will the question: What happens when a hummingbird and a young Andromedan encounter each other? Part two will be the materials: One hummingbird and one Andromedan girl and one classroom. Part three: the experiment: Put them in the same room. Some questions are:
1) What happens when they meet?
2) What happened to them after they met?
3) What does this say about their molecular density?
4) What does this say about atomic bonds?
5) What does this say about their atomic makeup?
Got it, class?"
No one was listening to him.
Mr. Lugand was in his office, giggling evilly. "That was a good job you did, Little Jimmy," he said to the returning hummingbird.
//What the heck does he want me to do now? He’s so weird. What’s up with the evil-sounding laugh-type thing?// Little Jimmy thought to himself in bird language.
Over the next few days, many others were taken under by the birds.
For example, there was Tommy, who practiced, but never spoke up, so he got on Mr. Lugand’s nerves. He only got a small bite. The drummers all got "the hummingbird." They rushed and were not in time. The trumpets were going down, one by one.
Mr. Lugand giggled evilly at everyone he saw at this point. Mrs. Army was thinking about either firing him or getting more Tylenol from the school nurse. The laughter was too happy for the school. It was out of the school’s "maturity level."
So, instead of going to Mr. Lugand’s room every once and a while, she just put more effort into her "red and orange" teams. (Leena and Radu were on the red team, but Sheck was on the orange team. The orange team was losing horribly, but there was no one in the school actually cared at all.)
Meanwhile, in the Center City General Hospital, besides all of the mushy usual gooey romance stuff, there was also a team of doctors, and the young genius, Azzi, Sheck’s older sister, who were working on a cure for the "hummingbird virus." So far, not much could be done about it.
Leena started "getting sick" on band days and Vena practiced more than she had ever before. Sheck was glad he had taken chorus. And Radu didn’t believe that any of this was actually going on.
//It’s all Leena’s imagination. Just coincidence// he thought whenever he was being illogical.
"Well, do you have enough money yet, honey?" Mrs. Lugand asked her husband hopefully.
"Uh, no. Those kids are getting more and more annoying, though. I can’t believe that I’ve put up with them (giggle-giggle) for the whole entire year! (giggle-giggle) And they’ll never (giggle-giggle) be ready for the spring concert!"
"I am sure they will be. That is, if there’s any band left! What a great idea of yours! Just kill off all of the students! I love it! And stop the evil giggling. I’m getting really sick of it."
"I... (giggle-giggle) can’t help (giggle-giggle) it. Don’t worry (giggle-giggle) soon enough we’ll (giggle-giggle) be able to afford (giggle-giggle) your surgery. I’m really sorry about that, what happened to your face. You shouldn’t have tried to go into the fire. That was really ... different. You didn’t even get to save that boy’s stupid turtle that was inside."
"I don’t see why I went into the burning house. I guess it was just a nice streak. I won’t have any of those any more, now will I?"
"No. (giggle-giggle) I don’t think you (giggle-giggle) will. Soon (giggle-giggle) we’ll be able to get your plastic surgery to repair your face."
"And then we’ll take those hummingbirds down to that boy who wanted to get the turtle out of the burning house, right?"
"Yes, (giggle-giggle) honey."
Leena had forgotten her flute again. Which really sucked the big one, because the giant Spring Concert was in 3 weeks. She figured she’d go back in to get her flute. She crept in again, only to hear Mr. Lugand giggling evilly and talking to the stupid bird again.
//Why can’t I just have a normal life?// Leena thought, rolling her eyes. She got her flute, and her music, and decided to, once again, risk her life and listen to what he was saying to "Little Jimmy."
"Your next job, little Jimmy, is to get that annoying girl that doesn’t practice like she should. Her name is ... Uh... it’s either Leena or Vena. I mix them up, you know? They’re always... together... and their names sound alike. Anyway, get them both."
Leena ran for it. She had to get out. In the doorway was a figure, which she "elegantly" slammed into. It was Rob.
"Hey, I was looking for you," he said in a loud, normal voice.
Mr. Lugand jumped up. Leena grabbed Rob’s hand and they ran for it.
"What’s going on? Would you like to go out?" Rob asked. "And why are we running from our band teacher?"
"It’s a long story," Leena replied, still running through the halls, "that I’m not about to get into right now."
Rob nodded, blushing. //I’m such an idiot. She probably doesn’t like me. I have purple hair! What can you expect?//
//Hee, hee. I’m holding onto his arm and running through the hallways. Well, we’re running from the band teacher, but still, it’s kind of romantic... if you’re into that type of thing// Leena thought, glancing at Rob.
They ran into the office. Those normally "cheery" secretaries (ha) were lying on the ground, unconscious. (Or maybe it was their coffee break.) Anyway, they were out cold.
"It must’ve been the hummingbirds!" Leena yelled, like in those old movies where people excitedly state the obvious.
"Yes, it must have," a woman said from behind them. It was a woman with lots of burn scars and an ax!
"She has an ax!" Rob yelled, imitating Leena’s demented ways of yelling out stupid comments.
"What do we do?" Leena and Rob yelled at the same time, holding onto each other. //This is a lot of fun// they both thought, even though they were aware that their lives might very well be in danger from the woman who was holding the giant ax who looked kind of confused as to why she was holding it.
Then Mr. Lugand came in. He was holding Little Jimmy and a few of Little Jimmy’s Little Relatives.
Then the hummingbirds went at the secretaries, who were waking up.
"Were we supposed to be answering the phone?" one asked another.
"I have no idea. I hope no one important called," the other replied.
"Probably not. No one important ever calls, except for those damned parents," the third remarked.
The hummingbirds bit them and they fell, relieved, unconscious. Leena and Rob didn’t move. So Mr. Lugand took this great opportunity to...
... make a phone call. He have the rest of the room a Look. "I need privacy," he stated. He didn’t make any move to kick them out, though. He dialed a number, and then chanted along with the ringing. "Ring... (giggle-giggle) ring... (giggle-giggle) some more ringing.... ring (giggle-giggle)... Hello, this is your great son! Hey, Mom! I just thought it was about time for our daily phone discussion! I love you too!"
Rob and Leena frowned at each other. This was not right. Weren’t they supposed to die or something? All of the hummingbirds were sitting contentedly, watching the fun computer screen-savers that the secretaries had loaded for the long monotonous school days.
Leena and Rob sort of sat there, waiting for their fate as their insane band teacher told his mother that, yes, he was still her little boy. And yes, life was wonderful, and yes, he was still taking baths on a regular basis.
"All right, Mommy. I’ll miss you, too. Life is great over here! All of the really cute little hummingbirds, even Little Jimmy, are behaving. Yes, Mommy, I’m being good. Got to go, Mommy. Call you tomorrow. Love you!"
Leena and Rob gave each other Looks. Things were getting odder and odder.
"Can I put down this heavy ax now, honey?" the woman with the burn scars asked. "It’s really heavy, and I want to put it down. Would you mind if I did?"
"Yes, because otherwise those stupid children would run away. And we need to stick them in our basement."
"Why don’t you just kill them off now with the hummingbird virus?"
"See, that’s unethical. Besides, I think the vice principal will have enough problems with carrying out the secretaries."
"I see. Let’s put them into the basement, then."
The woman with the ax pointed the ax at them and said crossly, "march or die... Please?"
The two of them got into the car, shivering. It was getting chilly out. (Nights on Andromeda are cold, but the days are warm. It’s something to do with the axis of the planet and the strange weather patterns and the river nearby.)
They drove to this really cheap, big house. It seemed to be falling apart. "Well, what a Victorian beauty," Rob snapped.
Mr. Lugand giggled evilly. "You’ll regret offending our beautiful house," he said to Rob.
"Yeah, by putting us into it."
"The basement. We’re putting you into the basement."
"Thank you for the clarification."
The two of them got out of the car and walked into the house. It was falling apart and needed a thorough cleaning.
"Where’s the basement?" Leena asked. "Or is this the basement?"
Mr. Lugand giggled evilly, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a hummingbird. "Hi, Little Jimmy. How are you doing?"
The bird had frozen to death. It was totally dead and stiff.
"Come on, little buddy. Speak to me, please. My, you’re mighty quiet this evening."
"He’s kind of not living anymore," Rob said, rolling his eyes at Leena.
"No! That is not the case! He’s one of my best friend! He’s never dead! His spirit lives on!" Mr. Lugand shrieked.
Leena and Rob snickered. They were escorted by the unemotional Mrs. Lugand into the basement. She lead them down the stairs and told them, "Sit on the boxes. And don’t move anywhere."
"Just wait until she’s gone," Rob said, "and then we’ll simply walk out."
As if she heard what Rob was saying, Mrs. Lugand turned around and smiled at them. "The door can be locked from the upstairs. You should hear about what my honey is going to do. He’s going to kill the whole city."
Leena laughed. "Yeah, right."
"Tomorrow morning. He’s going to let them loose, Little Jimmy and his relatives, and he’s going to kill them and take their money."
Rob yelled, "You can’t! That’s evil! You’ve got to stop it, Mrs. Lugand!"
She shook her head, smiled and whispered, "It’s that money that’s going towards my surgery."
"Nothing’s going to fix that," Rob muttered.
Mrs. Lugand got up and left.
Two hours later, Leena and Rob were freaking out. Leena was trying to stay awake. Rob was pacing.
"I’m so sorry I had to get you into this mess. If I hadn’t forgotten my flute, this never would’ve happened. You would be at home, and safe," Leena whimpered.
"But... but I wouldn’t have been with you. I’m sorry, Leena, but I.... I like you," Rob whispered, looking at her and blushing like the purple-hairdo guy that he was. He looked at the floor.
Leena ran over and gave him a hug. They were about to kiss when Leena stepped back. "This is like a corny movie, you know. With all of the lovers making out and... Okay, corny movies are all right with me..."
"This is a (giggle-giggle) lot of (giggle-giggle) fun. I wish I had killed the (giggle-giggle) stupid students (giggle-giggle) earlier," he said to his dead birdie, Little Jimmy.
He reached over, into his desk, and a whole flock of poisoned hummingbirds flew out. He picked another one because little Jimmy was getting kind of boring.
"Hello, there. You are... Uh... little Bobby. And you’re going to be my new best friend," he said, smiling at the bird.
"We’ve got to get out of this pit," Leena said to Rob with a frown. They ran up the stairs to the doorway.
"Let us out of here!" Leena yelled.
Rob grinned at her. //Gee. I kissed her. I am really, really special.//
//My God// Leena thought to herself, //he’s drooling.//
Leena was getting really pissed at this point. She was trapped in a basement, next to her crush, who she couldn’t look straight in the face any more, and was about to lose her temper and show her true PMS.
She stepped back a few steps. "All right, Rob, stand back. I’m going to tell this stupid door what I think of it, so get out of my way, okay?"
"Sure. May I ask what you’re going to do?"
"Yeah."
"What are you going to do?"
"I’m going to kick it."
"Creative."
"Thanks."
Leena took another step back, just in case, and jumped forward, kicking the door. It let out a loud creak and broke in half, causing Leena to fall through it, into the kitchen. She turned around and gave the door the finger, or as some supposedly cool people called it, "the bird." Rob climbed out, grinning. //I’ve got a strong girlfriend, I guess// he thought to himself, beginning to drool again.
The two of them walked out of the kitchen, which was surprisingly clean, judging from the outside, and walked out the door like it was nothing.
"Why didn’t we do that before?" Leena asked as they calmly walked outside.
"I have no idea. I think we were (snicker-snicker) busy."
The two of them walked toward their school. (It was about 8 stories high, and could be seen from anywhere in about a mile radius.)
"Listen, little Bobby, you’re got to cooperate," Mr. Lugand snapped.
All of the birds were becoming bored. They came and went in big flocks to the secretaries’ rooms to check out if any new screen-savers were coming on. They were really bored. The secretaries were still lying there, unconscious, on the floor.
Aims, a girl who volunteered in the Art room to help Mrs. Pour-In, the deaf Art teacher, was sitting calmly with the birds, having an in-depth discussion about the different expressions put forth through the screen-savers. She didn’t really know how to do the current project in their Art class, so she just sort of hung out, watching some of the others try to learn it. They were just as confused as she, but the deaf Art teacher, Mrs. Pour-In, didn’t hear any of their desperate cries for help.
So Aims was hanging out, talking to the birds about screen-savers.
"Aims!" Leena yelled, walking into the Office. (It was also known as Doom Room of Detention and Message Giving.) "What’s up, girl?"
Aims looked up from all of her new bird pals. "Not much. We’re talking about screen-savers. What’s your opinion?"
"Aren’t you that girl who helps out in the Art room?" Rob asked.
"Yeah, but I don’t understand what’s going on. I may need help from Mrs. Pour-In later myself. What the heck is a weft and what’s a warp? Is there truly a difference? And what about that Lab Report Mr. Hunter was talking about, with the molecular density of hummingbirds and Andromedans?"
"Um, no one really gets that. Where does one get the materials if they want to duplicate the experiment?" Leena asked, tugging at her hair.
"I have no idea. What were the 6 questions?" Aims retorted.
"Weren’t there five?" Leena cried.
"I actually have no idea. I wasn’t really paying attention."
"We’re trying to stop Mr. Lugand from killing up everyone in the school with those hummingbirds that are hanging out with you," Rob interrupted.
"They’d never do that."
"He’s got mind control or something. And their leader, Little Jimmy, is his best friend. Or, was. He froze to death in Mr. Lugand’s pocket. Gruesome, right, Aims?"
"Oh, shut up, Rob," the two girls said at once.
Rob sort of shrunk into a corner.
Then Mr. Lugand walked in. He looked at Rob and Leena. Things did not click. He turned to Aims. "Hey, are you giving them the lecture on screen-savers like I recommended? Those great little buddies of mine sure do like to learn about technology."
"Only things in the school who actually do want to learn," Rob muttered.
"Okay, well, I’m going to go about my evil plans and my evil (giggle-giggle) giggling. I’ll see you little kids later. Toodles."
"What’s up with the band teacher, Leena?" Aims whispered, raising an eyebrow.
"Aims, you must realize that he’s gone insane."
"He said toodles."
"Sad, isn’t it?" Rob muttered.
"Our school really is deteriorating."
"Has. It has deteriorated. Have you seen Mrs. Army? The Orange and Red campaign is going crazy. They’re even separating classes according to Orange and Red. And that’s not fair, because the teachers are all on Green, which is the teachers’ union type thing! I want to be on Green! They all hang out, the teachers, and drink all of that awesome soda during class!" Leena cried.
"Mrs. Army wants us to grow up and teach here... fat chance," Rob said, shrugging.
"Yea," Aims said crossly, "I can’t believe that my mom works here. Why is she lying on the ground, sleeping? Bored ... again?"
"No. Those hummingbirds, the ones that you’re hanging out with, put her into a deathly coma that may kill her if those doctors from the New Center City General Hospital don’t come up with a cure," Leena informed.
"Just another day in Center City," Rob replied out of boredom.
"Yeah, nothing ever goes right around here... Wait a second, why are the hummingbirds, my little students, doing his dirty work? That’s NOT RIGHT!"
She turned to the birds. They were very calmly watching the screen-saver that was on, which showed a whole lot of flowers growing then a lot of big, ugly bugs coming to kiss them.
"That’s wrong."
"It’s what we do. We were made to do this type of thing," one of the birds replied.
"You can TALK?" Rob asked in wonder.
"Only me," the same bird replied. "My name is John."
"That’s really cool," Rob whispered.
"What, you’ve never seen a talking bird before? Where do you live?" Leena said, rolling her eyes at Aims.
"I’ve never seen such a thing before," Rob said truthfully, hoping Leena wouldn’t think he was lame.
"Oh, well, dorks will be dorks," Aims said, oblivious to the fact that Leena and Rob had something going on and it was touchy.
Rob began to cry.
Morning was coming around and the birds were still slaves of Mr. Lugand and screen-savers, which they found mesmerizing. There was nothing Aims, Leena, or Rob could really do. Except sort of hang out. They were teenagers, therefore exceptionally good at hanging out.
They were talking about cheese versus other dairy products when Mr. Lugand walked in.
"Hello, I’ve come to collect my birds," he stated calmly, pointing at them. They were still watching the same screen-saver, the one from the night before about the flowers that were blooming and the demented bugs that were coming for a smooch.
"Okay," said the half-awake Aims. "Whatever."
He took the birds and giggled evilly. "Bye."
"Bye," they all said.
"Okay, now we stop them," Rob said in a determined voice.
"Do I get to kick open another door?" Leena asked.
"Sure, why not? It’s only the Office. They’ve had the same door for the last 100 years or so," Aims said, watching a different screen saver about acorns doing some dance with whales and stuffed cats.
Leena did her famous "karate-chop" and the door flew open, in about 36 different pieces.
"Cool," Aims said, looking at yet another screen-saver about dogs that were actually chia pets but they didn’t know it.
Rob and Leena ran all around the school, hoping to find something - anything, - that hinted to where Mr. Lugand was hiding the hummingbirds. They heard a squeaking.
They checked out Mrs. Army’s office. In there were lots of posters that said "Green teachers are the best" or "Green kicks." And there were about 60 little hummingbirds sitting in her empty chair, watching a nifty little screen-saver about rabbits that were picking flowers and then turned into monsters and ate the rest of the rabbits. It was titled "food chain in action."
"You guys shouldn’t go after the kids, killing them!" Leena shouted, trying to voice reason into the hummingbirds. But they did not care about right and wrong. They cared about... screen-savers.
Suddenly, Rob had a flash of inspiration. "You guys could be free, free to go to the wonderful... Museum of Fine Screen Savers! It’s on the other end of the East Side! You could get there in less than half an hour!" he yelled.
The hummingbirds gasped. They had never heard of such a great idea.
"Let’s go," one of them said in hummingbird language. They all flew out of the windows, flapping their cute little wings and flying away.
There was one thing that Rob forgot to think about. Hummingbirds didn’t like cold air. They originated in tropical rain forests. And the night was a chilly one.
Each and every one of them died in those next 5 minutes, except for little Jimmy, who had frozen to death earlier in the story, and little Bobby who was destined to be Mr. Lugand’s pal until... we’re getting to that.
Back in the Center City General Hospital, the doctors and Azzi were still working as hard as they possibly could. They were trying out all different things on the coma victims. Suddenly, Azzi had an idea!
"Screen-savers!" she yelled, out of nowhere. "That’s it! If we expose them to screen-savers, they’ll get happy and they’ll wake up."
And what do you know... it worked. All of the coma victims were cured.
Mr. Lugand went nuts, and was sent to a psycho asylum. So was Mrs. Lugand. She never got her face surgery. Just as they were about to be dragged away, Mr. Lugand let go of his last hummingbird, little Bobby, and it flew away into the night sky. It went back to the school to hang out and join Aims in the office to watch the screen-savers.
The end. So there.