About A Girl


Part I: Girl I See. 

story of a princess. 

once upon a time
in a land far far away
there was a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes
and a little bit of puppy fat
and an attitude

she thought she was a princess
her parents drove her in a golden truck
her puppies followed her like loyal handmaids
she stood alone and created from her mind
red like the gashes on her stomach
that couldn't cut through to the bone

once upon a time there was a girl
who hated herself

once upon a time
there was a princess
without a land
with pretty purple clothes
that didn't fit her right

once
the princess had a husband
she lived in a high castle, higher than anyone else she knew
she dumped her chamberpot onto those below
giggled shrilly
her hair was cut and she fell down below
the people gathered round in a ring and laughed

once there was a princess
who hated herself

all alone
without a fiefdom
without a clique
without a single friend

once
there was
a princess
who hated herself 


Part II: Girl I Know. 

i am your best friend. 

because for certain
i try

because for certain
i am the thoughtful friend, a "bit slow" around the edges
always there
your lumpy fallback
your friendly fondled fluff of nothing
i am no substance
merely a friend

a friend there to lend a helping hand
to jump in a puddle so you can't get wet
to cut out her own eyes
so she doesn't have to see your flaws

because i am a great friend for certain
roll over for a treat
roll over and play dead

because i am a fabulous pal til the end

because i will bend until i snap
because i will cry for you until i am shriveled and you are full
because i care for you
so you can tie a ribbon around my neck
and laugh behind my back
so you can showcase me at the mall
so i can drive you over the edge of Hell and back
and pay for the gas myself

because i am the best friend you will ever have

and you will never care 


Part III: Girl I watch. 

i can see you;

i can see you at the edge of the horizon

yelling yourself hoarse
at bleeding, deaf ears
at the near
the dear
the forgotten and forgetting

i can see you 

wearing sparkles
and makeup
and hair shine
and a short skirt
and a pretty coat

all dressed up, 

and nowhere to go

i can see you 
singing
and dancing
and losing your mind up there

i can see you 

plucking daisies 
and stuffing them into your brassiere
perfect little girl you always were 

mommy's girl
daddy's girl 

the angel, the devil, the princess in between 

bleeding throat
sobbing eyes
marshmallow body
and a sneer at everyone else
who will never be as good 

but they are,
and you aren't

you accept this as you chase your own shadow
over the horizon
and into your own private abyss 





Part IV: Girl I protect. 


wherever you go
i will walk behind you 

whatever you think
i will try to write down

whenever you fall
i will call someone else for help

you will never know i am here
you will never appreciate me

but i don't need you to

i am your protector
i am the best friend
you never had 


Part V: Girl I cannot protect. 


dear dear
dear someone
name witheld 

dear pretty
on the outside
ugly on the inside 

dear shiny shoes
shiny hair
bright eyes
bushy tails
a mirror in your packet and a brush
though dye after dye

dear letter to someone
whom i most likely
have never known 

im sorry you were raped
im sorry you were put down
thrashed
dropped
chortled
agitated and chafed 
im sorry
i cannot say your name without god punching my insides

im sorry
i cannot send you this letter 

because you will never read it

im sorry i could not help you 

im sorry i can not name you
you the girl
who should know who you are

but don't 


Part VI: Girl I hate. 

her side.

you are a girl with a black ribbon
around your martyred neck

you are the girl i have always
wanted to be; 
you are taller, 
slimmer,
darker
stronger

you draw and you paint 
and you laugh loudly

and you speak
to those you detest

and you fake

and i can see through you

but i do not understand

i do not understand
why this fell apart

did you leave me, or did
i leave you? 

all i know
is that i am all alone

all i know
is that i hate you

and i don't know why

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