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Hello and you're turned into KLAM, your number one station for modern Celtic rock. Just kidding - we're just your average top 40 station. Next, we're going to play the latest hit by Britney Spears.
Hey everybody, it's your favorite DJ, Max Mickey. Call in with your requests and dedications. Until then, I'll be playing a few rap hits, to get your party started.
Where are y'all? Keep callin' in your requests so I know what to play. That was "Changes" by 2pac, and before that, Nelly's "EI." I'm going to ease y'all into a commercial break then will play some new Backstreet Boys, and Linkin Park for the hard-rockers out there. Stay tuned.
Hey, welcome back. Listen, I'm running out of ideas. Call me up and tell me what to play. I'll even broadcast your dedications.
DJ Mad Mickey is getting a little iffy, folks. He hasn't gotten a call in half an hour. Where are all of you? the call is completely free of charge for all of you fast-food employees out there.
Just kiddin' about the fast-food workers, y'all. They're just as respectable as anybody else. We just played Enya's "Only Time" and will now go to Mariah Carey's "Loverboy." Isn't she a beauty? Call me up and tell me what you think of her.
Hey, you've just tuned into KLAM, your favorite Christian rap station. Just kiddin. From 9:oo to 10:oo, in half an hour, a request hour will begin, just for you loyal listeners. So give the station a ring and chat it up with yours truly, DJ Mad Mickey.
Folks, nobody's called up in forty-five minutes. So I'm going to start telling jokes to relieve my loneliness. They don't call me "Mad Mickey" for nothing. Call me up, or I'll tell you.
OK. A little boy walks up to his father and says, "Daddy, is God black or white?" and the father replies, "God is all colors, son." Later, the little boy asks his father, "Daddy, is God man or woman?" and the father replies "God is both, my son." After a thoughtful pause, the boy asks his father, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
Anyway, now for Michael's new hit, "You Rock My World." Stay tuned.
OK, is this some kind of a joke? Why is nobody calling? Is the line broken or am I simply trapped in the Twilight Zone? That was Michael Jackson, the Almighty. For those of you who are just tuning in, this is KLAM and you are listening to the infamous Mad Mickey. Call us up; our number is _______________. Completely free. Anytime. Make a request or the Request Hour will be an hour of silence. Or I'll break out the Prince records. No joke.
Hey everybody. We're gone an hour without any calls. Usually we're flooded. Where are y'all? Clubbing? Getting drunk and high without me? Call me up, mothers, and tell me what you THINK your kids are doing tonight.
I'm sorry, folks. The line must be broken. Though to be truthful I'm not sure how since I've called out. I got my girlfriend's answering machine. Call me up, Buttercup, at the station, if you can. I miss you.
All right, well, we're just going to totally disregard the request hour since the line is totally messed. Forget that. Now we're going to play "When Doves Cry" by Prince. Just for the heck of it. So keep trying to call; maybe they'll fix it.
OK, weird thing - I just went out into the hall for coffee - how else do you think Mad Mickey keeps his energy up? - and there was nobody around. I had a few minutes of prerecorded music and ads left so I searched the building and there's nobody around. I mean this: NOBODY. Twilight zome. Maybe I AM really alone. You tell me.
OK, well, I'm out of here in two hours, regardless of whether anyone's around to replace me.
There's nobody online, either. Dude, the chat rooms are abandoned.
Hey everbody, this is DJ Mad Mickey, for KLAM, your number one country station. Just kiddin. Call up, you lonely hearts. I'm open to cheating in Buttercup. Just kiddin!
Is there something really cool on TV or something? Or was there a nuclear holocaust that I missed out on? Hello? Where are all of you? Hey, I'm really getting freaked out. Where are y'all? Fuck music; where are all of you? If you have problems with my language, call me.
((30 second pause))
Listen, fuck, it. I can get fired for this. For messing around and talking too much and not playing Britney Spears constantly. But nobody's called for ages with their dumb requests for boyfriends who will dump them tomorrow. I haven't heard any valley girls or stoners in ages - where are y'all? Lonely housewives and little children making their first telephone calls? What are y'all doing that's so interesting? What's so great about it that you pull your telephones off the hook and ignore America's favorite music station? Here's your fucking Britney Spears.
OK, I'm a slave to you, too, Britney. If you're listening, you're listening to KLAM, a radio station in the middle of nowhere full of inconsiderate callers who used to call all the time but now aren't.
That was Mary J. Blige. And I'm leaving. I'll be playing a prerecorded loop of a top 30 countdown so you'll have a good 2 hours until complete silence.
There are no cars on the road at all and all of the streetlights are off. I am afraid of going out like this. I am staying in the abandoned station until morning. This is KLAM's highly-acclaimed Mad Mickey. Call in.
Hey everybody, this is KLAM, your favorite Gregarian Chants station. Just kidding. It's 3 AM; when it gets light out, I'm going, really I am. I don't care who's listening, I'm creeped out. This is fucking dumb and scary. Whoever is behind this is a fucking asshole, you hear me? This is not fucking funny. I'd better get paid overtime for this. Here's Christina Milian with "AM to PM."
Listen, I'm going out there, home. It's light out and I haven't slept, and I'm leaving. I'm going to find someone who will respond. I'd just like to say that I'm glad all of this is finally behind me - I'll go home and find a real job. I've got three of those pre-recorded top 30 countdowns lined up.
Where are you all? I went down the abandoned roads to my house, totally alone. There's nobody in the stories, on the roads, in my apartment complex, answering their phones. Hello? Were you picked up by aliens in order to leave me behind? Hello? Please don't leave me here. I'm not meant to be alone. I'm supposed to go with you. Let me out of here. Please. I want my Buttercup and my friends ... and my parents. Please, don't leave me here, I never did anything to you. What's wrong with ME?
This is KLAM, your favorite bluegrass oldies station. Just kiddin. DJ Mad Mickey here. God, did I miss that thing in which people are pulled up to heaven, leavning the bad people behind? I never knew I was bad. Here's a song by Dr. Dre.
Here is my confession, too late. I cheat on tests and never go to church. I've committed self-indulgence, drug use, premarital sex, using the Lord's name in vain, coveting, lying, stealing CD's from the station. Right, this station. I've lied on my resumés, including this one. I've lied to my parents and teachers. I've gotten into fist fights with people who were weaker than I was. I've hurt people's feelings for the fun of it. I've been arrogant and cruel. I hit Buttercup once. And I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm every bit as baed as everyone else; I don't know why I've been selected. Tell me what I've done. I'm going to put on some choir music now. Just for you. Please just let me go with you.
Hey hey, this is DJ Mad Mickey of KLAM. I'm going to go now, yes, go. Remember all the music and the calls and the laughs. It's been good. Bye.